“It seems inevitable that the journey away from here will also include the disheartening experience of returning here.“

In my previous post, I explored the possibilty that setting a clear aim holds for the journey of self-development. “The path will make itself known when the end is firm in mind,” we imagined.

Yet, it seems inevitable that the journey away from here – for whatever intention – will also include the disheartening experience of returning here. The path of self-growth quickly reminds us that old patterns of thinking, feeling, and doing have a way of repeating themselves. Conditioned behaviour takes time to shift. And so, despite your commitment to an inner journey of change, you may find yourself responding to some challenge in the exact same way as before:

• Once again avoiding the tough conversation needed with a colleague
• Withdrawing yourself from others, like you always do in the face of disappointment
• Neglecting self-care when work becomes overwhelming, like you’ve always done in the past

The resulting disillusionment can be hard to confront: “How on earth did I get back here? I’ve been trying so hard to move forward!” I’ve reflected on this often and, half in jest, concluded that I probably ended up back here by sliding down the imaginary exponential curve I’ve expected my life to follow. Wheeeeewh!

But what if we reimagined the shape of growth? What if growth is not an exponential curve – or even a straight line? What other metaphor could better reflect the reality of our experience while still capturing the momentum of transformation?

Picture a spiral staircase in or outside a building. As you might know, such a staircase goes round and round whilst taking you to the top of the building. As you climb the stairs toward your new aim, each revolution returns you to the exact same GPS-location than before. Technically, you are back where you started. Metaphorically, this might be the same behavioural pattern, the same challenge, the same difficult relationship. But within a cyclical view of self-development, your vantage point has changed. You return here with a different perspective perhaps. Maybe you arrive with a deeper awareness, a different emotional response, a new narrative in your mind, or with greater openness.

When you find yourself back here, dig deep.

Search for the new competency or skill you might not be recognising; the wisdom of experience; the endurance, strength or patience you may have gained; and respond to your challenge from there. In doing so, you may notice that new possibilities begin to open up. 

Be sure to give yourself immense credit for any shift in your familiar pattern of response. It is a rewarding experience to recognise the steady growth in yourself when you frame growth in this way.