“What’s meant to be life-giving in our lives often feels like disruption. However, by recognising – and even expecting – disruption as part of the self-development journey, we may become more willing to engage it, rather than resist it.“

Every winter, the Western Cape is blessed with the downpour of winter rain. It’s a deeply gratifying feeling, knowing that the earth is being replenished with this life-giving source (I’m sure we can all recall times of drought and water scarcity). What is life-giving to some, may not be experienced that way by others. The floods often caused by the rain arrive as a disruption to many; interrupting daily rhythms, unsettling the daily commute for both children and adults, and even endangering some.

The energy of self-development, despite all its life-giving potential, most often includes disruption. 

What gets disrupted are our conditioned responses to life. These responses include the ways we tend to withdraw our awareness from the direct experience of pain and discmfort. This tendency is called dissociation. The problem with dissociation is that, in trying to avoid discomfort, we often end up avoiding the experience altogether.

Ever since I awakened to the concept of dissociation, I’ve become aware of the sophisticated strategies I – and surely we – use in enacting it: rationalization, avoidance, intellectualization, distraction, numbing behaviours (like addiction), classic fight, flight or freeze responses, even spiritualizing our experiences. These are just some of the mechanisms we’ve mastered in our attempt to avoid intense experiences. It is important to note that we do not dissopciate from painful experiences only, but also sometimes  from positive experiences  such as intimacy, success, or joy.

Why is this relevant to the journey of self-development?

Because the process of change almost always comes with the invitation to face the very things we tend to dissociate from. The disruption of this pattern of avoidance will be experienced as discomfort, and that feeling often causes us to abandon the commitment  to the journey altogether.

Doing the hard work of self-exploration will require of you to tolerate disruption. Knowing and expecting this can go a long way in motivating you to not just endure, but even  embrace the unease that comes with change. 

The invitation, then, is to remain open to the idea that things may feel worse before they get better, to stay curious and to reflect on your experience. In doing so, you begin to identify the competencies needed to endure, and to move forward. In this way you could gradually replace dissociative behaviour with conscious, responsive action. And remember, self-development does not have to be a solo journey. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support on the way.